Friday, June 14, 2019

Geeky jokes about demography, statistics, epidemiology, and census

I post a #GeekJoke on Twitter (almost) every Friday afternoon.
Here are a few recent favorite demographer jokes, statistician jokes, census jokes, and even a an epidemiology joke...

Demographer, to therapist: "I started to count every single person I saw, but eventually I lost my census."

(scene: therapists office)
Therapist: So tell me why you're here?
New patient: I'm a math teacher. I have problems.

At my last job interview, I told my interviewer that I plan to give 110%.
Unfortunately, I was applying to be a statistician.

(Scene: Two neighbors having a chat)
Neighbor 1: How's your husband doing?
Neighbor 2, a statistician: That depends. What's the reference group?

SAS is user friendly. It’s just selective about who its friends are.

Teen: Hey mom, I talked to my guidance counselor today, and I know what I want to do for a job.
Mom: Great, honey, what did you choose?
Teen: Demography. It's the only career that counts.

Researcher 1: Shouldn't you be pooling across years to increase sample size?
Researcher 2 (glares from under fedora): No! This is small batch, artisanal data.

I changed my password to "incorrect."
So whenever I forget my password, my computer will remind me: "Your password is incorrect."

Genealogists are sometimes confused, but eventually they come to their census.

An infectious disease walks into a bar...
Bartender: We don't serve your kind here. Get out!
Disease: Well you're not a very good host!

P-hacking is the only way I've been able to find a significant other.

Why shouldn't you argue with a decimal?
Decimals always have a point.