Friday, January 23, 2015

Geek jokes

If you follow me on Twitter (@DataGeekB) you know that I post a geek joke almost every Friday afternoon. Here are a few of my favorite statistics jokes, programmer jokes, and other geeky jokes (in no particular order):

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, those who don’t understand binary, and those who didn’t expect this joke to be in base 3.

Did you hear about the programmer who got stuck in shower for a week? Blamed shampoo instructions: Lather, rinse, repeat.

Q: Why are open source statistical programming languages the best?
A: Because they R.

A programmer is going to the grocery store. Spouse asks the programmer to buy bread at market and if the market has eggs get a dozen. The programmer returns with 12 loaves.

Yo momma is so mean, she has no standard deviation!

Q: Did you hear about the statistician who was thrown in jail?
A: She now has zero degrees of freedom.

The best time to show a bar chart is at happy hour.

The best time to show a pie chart is at a bakers' convention.

Statisticians can't ever go bankrupt. They have means.

There is no truth to the allegation that statisticians are mean. They are just your standard normal deviates.

Q: Why don't statisticians like to model new clothes?
A: Lack of fit.

Q: Did you hear the one about the statistician??
A: Probably....

Statistics is a science that proclaims, with confidence, "The average human has one ovary!"

Statistics is the only science in which you can have you head in an oven, your feet on ice, and say that, on average, you feel fine.

Q: Why did the statistician cross the freeway?
A: To get to the other side of the median.

Yo mama is so mean, she has no standard deviation!

Q: Why do statisticians need to stay away from children's toys?
A: Because they regress so easily.

A statistician confidently tried to cross a river that was 1 meter deep on average. She drowned.

An infinite number of mathematicians go to a bar. The 1st mathematician says "Gimme 1 beer." The 2nd asks for 1/2 beer, the 3rd asks for 1/4...
The bartender pours 2 beers.
All the mathematicians complain: "That's all you're giving us?! How will we get drunk that way?"
Bartender replies: "Come on. Know your limits!"

There are 2 types of people in the world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data...

Q: How many professors does it take to replace a lightbulb?
A: 1: With 8 RAs, 2 programmers, 3 post-docs & a secretary to help.

Q: How many graduate students does it take to replace a lightbulb?
A: Only one: But it takes six years.