Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Friday, June 14, 2019

Geeky jokes about demography, statistics, epidemiology, and census

I post a #GeekJoke on Twitter (almost) every Friday afternoon.
Here are a few recent favorite demographer jokes, statistician jokes, census jokes, and even a an epidemiology joke...

Demographer, to therapist: "I started to count every single person I saw, but eventually I lost my census."


(scene: therapists office)
Therapist: So tell me why you're here?
New patient: I'm a math teacher. I have problems.


At my last job interview, I told my interviewer that I plan to give 110%.
Unfortunately, I was applying to be a statistician.


(Scene: Two neighbors having a chat)
Neighbor 1: How's your husband doing?
Neighbor 2, a statistician: That depends. What's the reference group?


SAS is user friendly. It’s just selective about who its friends are.


Teen: Hey mom, I talked to my guidance counselor today, and I know what I want to do for a job.
Mom: Great, honey, what did you choose?
Teen: Demography. It's the only career that counts.


Researcher 1: Shouldn't you be pooling across years to increase sample size?
Researcher 2 (glares from under fedora): No! This is small batch, artisanal data.


I changed my password to "incorrect."
So whenever I forget my password, my computer will remind me: "Your password is incorrect."


Genealogists are sometimes confused, but eventually they come to their census.


An infectious disease walks into a bar...
Bartender: We don't serve your kind here. Get out!
Disease: Well you're not a very good host!


P-hacking is the only way I've been able to find a significant other.


Why shouldn't you argue with a decimal?
Decimals always have a point.

Friday, July 13, 2018

Geek Jokes Galore

In case you don't already play along, every Friday I post a #GeekJoke on Twitter (@DataGeekB)

Over the years we've had demographer jokes, statistician jokes, economist jokes, mathematician jokes, and more. Here are a few of my favorites:

A demographer is just a mathematician broken down by age and sex.

I just saw my colleague with a piece of graph paper.
I think she must be plotting something.

Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can't even...

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
She'll stop at nothing to avoid them...

First day on the job, a boss warns her new employee to avoid the statisticians in the cafeteria: "They're just mean."

To women who ask: "Should I continue to have kids after 35?"
Me: "I don't want to tell you how to live your life, but 35 is a lot of kids."

2 mutually exclusive categories went on a date.
It didn't work out.
They had nothing in common.

Biologist, Demographer & Mathematician sit at a cafe. Across the street they see a man and a woman enter a building. Later those two people reappear with a 3rd person. 
They multiplied! says the Biologist
It's an error in measurement! says the Demographer.
If 1 person enters the building now, it will be empty again, concludes the Mathematician.

There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator...

An economist thinks that her equations are an approximation to reality.
A physicist thinks reality is an approximation to her equations.
A mathematician doesn't care.

If you live to be 100, you've got it made.
Very few people die past that age.

A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.

Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can't even...

I made a chart of past relationships.
It has an ex axis and a why axis.



And a couple of geeky riddles:


What always goes up, never goes down?
Your age.

When your code won't run, what can you still count on?
Your fingers.

2 mothers & 2 daughters sat down to breakfast. They had 3 cups of coffee. Each person had exactly 1 cup of coffee.
How is that possible?
(Hint: If you've worked w complex household structure data, you'll figure this one out)


Friday, February 24, 2017

More geeky jokes

If you follow me on Twitter (@DataGeekB) you know that I post a geek joke almost every Friday afternoon. Here are a few of my favorite statistics jokes, programmer jokes, and other geeky jokes (in no particular order):

PROGRAMMER AND LOGIC JOKES:

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It's a hardware problem.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.

STATISTICS JOKES AND MATH JOKES:

There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Child to mom: Why do I need to learn calculus?
Mom: It's an integral part of your education.

I was having fun making calculus puns, but then someone went off on a tangent.

Parallel lines have so much in common... it's a shame they'll never meet.

Romans didn't find algebra difficult. X was always 10.

Q: What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?
A: Beer.

An infinite crowd of mathematicians enters a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second one a half pint, the third one a quarter pint… “I understand”, says the bartender – and pours two pints.

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says "Five beers, please."

Hand over the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk.

If 666 is evil, is 25.807 the root of evil?

Friday, January 23, 2015

Geek jokes

If you follow me on Twitter (@DataGeekB) you know that I post a geek joke almost every Friday afternoon. Here are a few of my favorite statistics jokes, programmer jokes, and other geeky jokes (in no particular order):

PROGRAMMER JOKES:
There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, those who don’t understand binary, and those who didn’t expect this joke to be in base 3.

Did you hear about the programmer who got stuck in shower for a week? Blamed shampoo instructions: Lather, rinse, repeat.

Q: Why are open source statistical programming languages the best?
A: Because they R.

A programmer is going to the grocery store. Spouse asks the programmer to buy bread at market and if the market has eggs get a dozen. The programmer returns with 12 loaves.


STATISTICS JOKES AND MATH JOKES:
Q: Did you hear about the statistician who was thrown in jail?
A: She now has zero degrees of freedom.

The best time to show a bar chart is at happy hour.

The best time to show a pie chart is at a bakers' convention.

Statisticians can't ever go bankrupt. They have means.

There is no truth to the allegation that statisticians are mean. They are just your standard normal deviates.

Q: Why don't statisticians like to model new clothes?
A: Lack of fit.

Q: Did you hear the one about the statistician??
A: Probably....

Statistics is a science that proclaims, with confidence, "The average human has one ovary!"

Statistics is the only science in which you can have you head in an oven, your feet on ice, and say that, on average, you feel fine.

Q: Why did the statistician cross the freeway?
A: To get to the other side of the median.

Yo mama is so mean, she has no standard deviation!

Q: Why do statisticians need to stay away from children's toys?
A: Because they regress so easily.

A statistician confidently tried to cross a river that was 1 meter deep on average. She drowned.

An infinite number of mathematicians go to a bar. The 1st mathematician says "Gimme 1 beer." The 2nd asks for 1/2 beer, the 3rd asks for 1/4...
The bartender pours 2 beers.
All the mathematicians complain: "That's all you're giving us?! How will we get drunk that way?"
Bartender replies: "Come on. Know your limits!"


GEEK JOKES:
There are 2 types of people in the world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data...

Q: How many professors does it take to replace a lightbulb?
A: 1: With 8 RAs, 2 programmers, 3 post-docs & a secretary to help.

Q: How many graduate students does it take to replace a lightbulb?
A: Only one: But it takes six years.

Monday, December 29, 2014

A demographer, a statistician, and an economist walk into a bar...

If you follow me on Twitter (@DataGeekB) you know that I post a geek joke almost every Friday afternoon. Here are a few of my favorite demographer jokes, sociology jokes, and economist jokes (in no particular order):


DEMOGRAPHER JOKES:
Q: Why are demographers exhausted?
A: They're broken down by age and sex.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

Birthdays are good for you – the more you have, the longer you live.

Demographers are people who wanted to be accountants but lacked the personality for the job.

Old demographers never die. They just get broken down by age and sex.

A demographer is just a mathematician broken down by age and sex.

Statistics prove that number of offspring is an inherited trait. If your parent didn't have any kids, odds are you won't either.

Demographer pickup line fail: I asked a demographer for her phone number. She gave me an estimate.

Demographers are people who wanted to be accountants but lacked the personality for the job.


SOCIOLOGY JOKES:
A musicologist says to her sociologist friend, “Our studies really aren't that different.”
“How so?” asks the sociologist.
Musicologist: “We both study cymbalic interaction.”

Q: How do sociologists know what to drink at Cheers?
A: They follow Norm.


ECONOMICS JOKES:
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would've done it.

The First Law of Economists: For every economist, there exists an equal and opposite economist.

If all economists were laid end-to-end they would reach... no conclusion.

2+2=__
Mathematician: "4."
Statistician: "3.9 +/-.5 with a 95% confidence interval"
Economist: (closes door) "What do you want it to equal?"




Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Holiday geek jokes

If you follow me on Twitter (@DataGeekB) you know that I post a geek joke almost every Friday afternoon. Here are a few of my favorite holiday geeky jokes (in no particular order)

HALLOWEEN GEEK JOKES:
Q: What do you get when you take the circumference of your jack-o-lantern and divide it by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin π.


CHRISTMAS GEEK JOKES:
Geek joke: Q: What's the inverse operation to Christmas^x?
A: Yule log.

Q: Why do economists have to stay away from the toys in Santa's workshop?
A: Because they regress so easily.

Q: How is an artificial christmas tree like √(-3)?
A: Neither has real roots

Why isn’t every man in a red suit with a beard Santa?
A: Because correlation doesn’t imply Claus-ality.


NEW YEAR GEEK JOKES:
Q: How many seconds are there in a year?
A: 12! (January second, February second, March second,...)

Friday, April 18, 2014

A demographer, a statistician, and a sociologist walk into a bar...

I'm busy preparing for an upcoming conference, so posts have been few and far between lately. For up-to-date information on data releases, trends, insights, cool infographics, and more: follow me on Twitter (@DataGeekB)

A few of my favorite demographer jokes, sociology jokes, statistics jokes, and programming jokes (in no particular order):

Q: Why are demographers exhausted?
A: They're broken down by age and sex.


There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, those who don’t understand binary, and those who didn’t expect this joke to be in base 3.


If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.


Birthdays are good for you – the more you have, the longer you live.


Did you hear about the programmer who got stuck in shower for a week? Blamed shampoo instructions: Lather, rinse, repeat.


There are 2 types of people in the world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data...


Demographers are people who wanted to be accountants but lacked the personality for the job.


A musicologist says to her sociologist friend, “Our studies really aren't that different.”
“How so?” asks the sociologist.
Musicologist: “We both study cymbalic interaction.”


Old demographers never die. They just get broken down by age and sex.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Data link roundup (week of August 23, 2013)

The week's top data analysis links...


RANDOM BITS


IN CASE YOU MISSED IT...


BEST CHART COMIC OF THE WEEK

For those of you preparing for the Fall 2013 semester...
Source: PhD Comics

Friday, May 10, 2013

Data link roundup (week of May 10, 2013)

The week's top data analysis links...
...in honor of Mother's Day.

PARENTING ROLES

Pew Research notes that the roles of moms and dads are converging, but a gap remains. Mothers are doing more paid work, and fathers are doing more childcare and housework now than in 1965. That said, women continue to do more than twice as much housework as men.


MOTHERHOOD TRENDS

Due to delayed childbearing, the average age at which an American woman first becomes a mother has risen to 25.4, according to 2010 data from the CDC.

The teen birth rate is also at an all-time low in the United States, but while the birth rate is rising for women age 35 and older, the birth rate for older mothers is still far below rates seen in the 1920s or even in the 1960s.


SINGLE MOMS

There are more than 10 million single mothers in the United States living with children under the age of 18. Unfortunately, these families are more likely than other families to be in poverty.


THE DOLLARS AND CENTS

American consumers are likely to spend nearly $169 dollars on mom this mother's day, for a total of more than $20 billion, according to the latest survey data from the National Retail Federation

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Survey says?

If you've ever worked with survey data, this cartoon is for you...
Source: Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson, August 23, 1995

Friday, December 7, 2012

Data link roundup (week of December 7, 2012)

The week's top data analysis links...

METRO COMPARISONS

A new map tool from Brookings shows the relative economic strength and rate of recovery for metropolitan areas around the world, and includes data from 1993-2012.


20 YRS OF TXT

The Economist reminds us that this week text messaging turned 20. (Another year and drunk-texting is legal?)
Source: The Economist


CAN'T TEXT AND DRIVE

RCLCO delivers more evidence that Millennials are less auto-centric than other generations of Americans.

The study authors surveyed residents in the 20 largest metropolitan in the U.S. to "gauge current attitudes toward auto use and ownership." According to study authors:
The survey results show significant continued devotion to the auto—over 60% of all respondents answered affirmatively when asked whether they own and need a personal automobile and could not live without it—but a substantial minority expressed a willingness to consider alternatives to auto ownership, such as relocation to other locations with improved public transit and car sharing.  Not surprisingly, the Gen Ys (born since the early 1980s), with their now well-known urban preferences, show considerable interest in these ideas. From a real estate development perspective, the impact of less auto usage, and by extension less on-site parking, can have a dramatic impact on development costs. Results from the RCLCO survey indicate that significant generational differences exist in attitudes toward car ownership. For example, Gen Y respondents indicated that they prefer not to own a car at a much greater rate than their counterparts in other generations—32% of responding Gen Ys do not own a car and do not need one, because they use public transit and/or alternative transportation. This is approximately twice the rate for Gen X and over three times the rate for older generations.
(Author's note: I suspect texting is the driving force behind this shift.)



BEST CHART DATA OF THE WEEK

This week the U.S. Census Bureau released 5-year American Community Survey data for 2011. The FactFinder2 application offers online mapping capabilities, as illustrated by the Florida and New York teen birth rate maps shown below.
Source: Author's compilation of data from the FactFinder2 mapping tool
The maps represent the proportion of females age 15-19 who report having a birth in the past 12 months when questioned during the 2007-2011 ACS survey period.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

How (not) to respond to reviewer comments

Having been on both sides of the reviewer/reviewee spectrum, I found "Addressing Reviewer Comments" from PhD Comics particularly amusing:
Source: PhDComics.com

Friday, November 30, 2012

Data link roundup (week of November 30, 2012)

The week's top data analysis links...

ANALYSIS ADVENT

The Economist magazine posted its data analysis Advent calendar. Each day a new "most popular chart of the year" will be revealed.


PROLIFIC POTATO

It has long been suspected that the cultivation of potatoes played a starring role in the demographic transition by increasing nutrition and extending life expectancy. New estimates suggest that a quarter of "Old World" population growth from 1700 to 1900 can be attributed to the tuber.
Source: Library of Congress

TO SECEDE OR NOT TO SECEDE? (Actually, that's not the question...)

Despite widespread media hype about the post-election secession movement, and reports of nearly a million signatures collected across 60 petitions filed on the White House website, careful analysis of the data show that many of the signatures were the result of single individuals signing multiple petitions.

Once duplicates were removed, only 0.1% remained (about 300,000 signatures in a nation of more than 310 million people), according to results published by Neal Caren at UNC Chapel Hill.


BEST CHART OF THE WEEK

Things on a university website:
Source: xkcd